[he rolls his eyes, grumbling, not quite sure what's so wrong about his heroic feat with a group of guys who just happened to be the reason his shirt strangled him?
sighing, he flexes his hands once they've been liberated from the bandages, expecting hell in the form of disinfectant.]
Okay, I will tell them stories of when you and I were children and your face was full of snot every winter.
[this stings, little sister!! pietro flinches and tries prying his arms away from her so he can flap them around and have the motion get air to dry up the disinfectant. for being a 'hero', he sure is a big baby.]
You're just calling boys gross now!
[his voice is a little higher in pitch]
I didn't need disinfectant, just new bandages, Wanda.
Boys are gross. [Duh. She watches him flap his hands. Boys are... boys.]
You look like a chicken attempting to fly. Stop that. And you don't put on new bandages without disinfectant, Pietro! That's how you get an infection and then your hands fall off.
[continues flapping his hands around on purpose... but ultimately stops. does wanda really want pietro logic (tm) to be part of the boys' lives, especially in the years they're going to be absorbing crucial information?]
[it is in the maximoff gene to be dramatic, sounds like. pietro can't wait for his twin nephews to grow to be equally or more dramatic, but chances are that vision might dampen that wonderful personality trait of theirs.
he snorts and grins wide at her words.]
Do not forget that for the next time you complain about me.
[arms bandaged neatly, he stretches his fingers by curling them inwards and outwards, and then pulls his sleeves down to cover them.]
Excellent job, Wanda. Am I un-greasy enough to stop the party and make it a family-only party?
Wanda gives Pietro a knowing smile--she prefers family over the whole neighborhood--but grabs a brightly colored comb that's clearly meant for a child to make an attack on his hair.]
[he grumbles and complains, and yet he's sitting down on the toilet so that his sister can do whatever she thinks may 'tame' his hair. it's grown longer over this time because he's trying something new! besides, there's no way wanda could make things worse—she is trying to help, after all.
also, pietro could very well just zoom oof out of her space and free himself from having to go through this if he really wanted to.]
Do I also have to wear a bowtie? I keep one for emergency party situations.
[She considers trying to tie his hair back, but thinks he might actually run away if she went for a hair tie. Instead, she just combs it away from his face.]
Wow. You and Vis have something else in common besides your love and adoration for me.
[Poor Vision, he's being dragged while playing host solo outside.]
[pietro pushes hard and tries his best to get his face to touch his hands, blowing out air between his fingers and making a fart-y sound in the process. this whole situation where his hair is getting combed when he isn't in the mood for it? actual torture.]
We both have dick in our pants? [hold up] Wait, no, he doesn't, does he?
[he makes a face—don't threaten him with science!—and waves his hands about in front of himself as if to say 'forget it, it's not happening'. despite her work on pietro's hair, he is quick to put a hand through it and un-comb it.
he is certainly a work in progress, if nothing else.]
I do not actually have a bow tie.
[if it wasn't obvious...
pietro smacks his hands onto his knees in the same motion as he pushes himself up to stand.]
Alright. I am ready to improve lives of nephews by 250%.
[She needs to have a daughter to balance out all the men that stress her out. She'll bring that up to Pietro to terrorize him with later. For now, she takes his hand to lead him out.
And, you know, she doesn't do much playing with heads, but she might sprinkle the suggestion of the idea of it's getting late, I better get home with a twirl of her fingers and a faint red sprinkle appearing over the guests like fairy dust.]
You'll have the whole back yard in a few minutes.
[Look, Mrs. Williams and her daughter Madison are coming over to say goodbye to Wanda and thank her for her hospitality already.]
except this whole uncanny valley shit of people coming around to thank wanda for the perfect party while sporting their perfect smiles and perfect clothes is not really pietro's idea of a good time. as mrs williams rolls by with daughter madison, pietro walks forward and, with his back to them, rolls his eyes at wanda, kisses her cheek, and makes himself scarce.
to the kitchen! where all the leftover canapés (what kind of kid party is this—) sit. he'll just make himself comfortable over here while he waits on those few minutes!!]
[Guests make their stops at Wanda before going out the door, and once the last gaggle of children is led out by their parents, Wanda finds her own--after giving Vision a brief kiss and thanking him for holding down the fort, to which he smiles and admits he quite enjoyed. Billy's hanging off Wanda's waist while Tommy decides to interrogate their mother: where did she go?]
Well... we have a special visitor, and I wanted to make sure he was settled in before he saw you. Can you boys guess who?
[Several guesses are thrown out there, ranging from Thor to the ice cream man, but that's really Pietro's cue.]
[THOR...THE ICE CREAM MAN..... pietro is hearing the excited cheering of his baby nephews (they're babies to him) and he's decidedly getting a little concerned about how high the ice cream man ranks over himself. not a single guess...!
he's on a committed relationship with shrimp canapés right now, stuffing a few into his mouth before nearly choking on them.
who is nervous? him? no way. he's absolutely cool and collected, just like the cucumber bit he's coughing out of his nose as he thumps a hand on his chest a couple of times. breathe, pietro, gods be damned!! teary eyed over the whole ordeal, he stands on the side of the kitchen counter and staring into the perfect cerulean mosaics on the wall, really wondering why this is more intimidating than half the shit he's done as an avenger.
deep breath taken, he does a super human speedy circle about the kitchen to wash his face with some water, dry up, and make sure he's got no food stains on his shirt nor any bit stuck to his teeth. first impressions are the most important!
his steps slow down from hyperspeed as he leaves the kitchen to where his family (😭) stands, children piping up ideas like they've got nothing but a whole damn list of wanted guests in their home.]
Is uncle Pietro the last on your list?! And is this how he finds out?
[The boys whip their heads around to look at the newcomer. The silence is deafening. Wanda can hear the little gears in their heads turning. Or maybe that's Vision, as she can hear him clear his throat in preparation to say something.
(He doesn't need to clear his throat, but it's a habit he's picked up, hanging around other dads--)
It's Tommy that cuts him off, asking Wanda if this is part of their birthday surprise. And if it's actually really her twin.]
Sure is. Come on, let's go say hi. Uncle Pietro is going to be staying with us for a while. He's missed you two. [Missed like everything, but Wanda will let that be. She grabs both by the hands to pull them over to Pietro, being That Mom and forcing them out of any shyness they might feel.]
[awkwardly, pietro seems to have picked up on vision's throat-clearing dad habit, for he's also doing that as the boys have to be physically pulled by their hands to greet him. did wanda oversell their enthusiasm to him? is this what he deserves for being so absent?
what, it's not like he's their dad. (vision gets an uncalled-for glare for no real reason.)
[Poor Vis. He really looks like he wants to say something about Wanda pulling the boys over to Pietro, but maybe he should just--not get his ass roasted. Smart synthezoid.
It leaves Wanda with three awkward boys, though luckily Tommy is curious enough to ask if Pietro is fast like mom says.]
I do not think your mother has made justice of how fast I am. She likes to downplay me a lot.
[with a wink at wanda (he talks trash out of nervousness, omg), he super-speeds himself around the lot, making a mess of wanda's hair and putting five different hats on top of vision's head—oh, delightful.—before reappearing at normal speed just sitting on his haunches between the two boys.]
So fast that I can make your parents look very silly.
[he points at the boy hanging from wanda's waist.] You are Billy, and you— [he points at the boy wearing the green shirt and looking at him with unruly amazement.] Tommy, yes? I am uncle Pietro. Happy to finally meet you both.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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sighing, he flexes his hands once they've been liberated from the bandages, expecting hell in the form of disinfectant.]
Okay, I will tell them stories of when you and I were children and your face was full of snot every winter.
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[Look, she's trying to distract him, making a scrunchy face as she's very liberal with that disinfectant 🙃🙃🙃 ]
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You're just calling boys gross now!
[his voice is a little higher in pitch]
I didn't need disinfectant, just new bandages, Wanda.
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You look like a chicken attempting to fly. Stop that. And you don't put on new bandages without disinfectant, Pietro! That's how you get an infection and then your hands fall off.
[Threats you make to get boys to listen!!!]
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[continues flapping his hands around on purpose... but ultimately stops. does wanda really want pietro logic (tm) to be part of the boys' lives, especially in the years they're going to be absorbing crucial information?]
They would have done so by now.
[bandage him up 😔]
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[She clicks her tongue and takes his hand, one and then the other, to nearly wrap them.
But.
She can't help but mutter,]
I missed this.
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he snorts and grins wide at her words.]
Do not forget that for the next time you complain about me.
[arms bandaged neatly, he stretches his fingers by curling them inwards and outwards, and then pulls his sleeves down to cover them.]
Excellent job, Wanda. Am I un-greasy enough to stop the party and make it a family-only party?
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Wanda gives Pietro a knowing smile--she prefers family over the whole neighborhood--but grabs a brightly colored comb that's clearly meant for a child to make an attack on his hair.]
Hold on. Let me better tame this mop of yours.
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[he grumbles and complains, and yet he's sitting down on the toilet so that his sister can do whatever she thinks may 'tame' his hair. it's grown longer over this time because he's trying something new! besides, there's no way wanda could make things worse—she is trying to help, after all.
also, pietro could very well just zoom oof out of her space and free himself from having to go through this if he really wanted to.]
Do I also have to wear a bowtie? I keep one for emergency party situations.
[not]
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[She considers trying to tie his hair back, but thinks he might actually run away if she went for a hair tie. Instead, she just combs it away from his face.]
Wow. You and Vis have something else in common besides your love and adoration for me.
[Poor Vision, he's being dragged while playing host solo outside.]
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We both have dick in our pants? [hold up] Wait, no, he doesn't, does he?
[HOLD UP]
Do not answer that.
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smiles.]
We'll talk about how babies are made some other time. I think you look about as good as I can get you.
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he is certainly a work in progress, if nothing else.]
I do not actually have a bow tie.
[if it wasn't obvious...
pietro smacks his hands onto his knees in the same motion as he pushes himself up to stand.]
Alright. I am ready to improve lives of nephews by 250%.
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And, you know, she doesn't do much playing with heads, but she might sprinkle the suggestion of the idea of it's getting late, I better get home with a twirl of her fingers and a faint red sprinkle appearing over the guests like fairy dust.]
You'll have the whole back yard in a few minutes.
[Look, Mrs. Williams and her daughter Madison are coming over to say goodbye to Wanda and thank her for her hospitality already.]
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except this whole uncanny valley shit of people coming around to thank wanda for the perfect party while sporting their perfect smiles and perfect clothes is not really pietro's idea of a good time. as mrs williams rolls by with daughter madison, pietro walks forward and, with his back to them, rolls his eyes at wanda, kisses her cheek, and makes himself scarce.
to the kitchen! where all the leftover canapés (what kind of kid party is this—) sit. he'll just make himself comfortable over here while he waits on those few minutes!!]
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Well... we have a special visitor, and I wanted to make sure he was settled in before he saw you. Can you boys guess who?
[Several guesses are thrown out there, ranging from Thor to the ice cream man, but that's really Pietro's cue.]
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he's on a committed relationship with shrimp canapés right now, stuffing a few into his mouth before nearly choking on them.
who is nervous? him? no way. he's absolutely cool and collected, just like the cucumber bit he's coughing out of his nose as he thumps a hand on his chest a couple of times. breathe, pietro, gods be damned!! teary eyed over the whole ordeal, he stands on the side of the kitchen counter and staring into the perfect cerulean mosaics on the wall, really wondering why this is more intimidating than half the shit he's done as an avenger.
deep breath taken, he does a super human speedy circle about the kitchen to wash his face with some water, dry up, and make sure he's got no food stains on his shirt nor any bit stuck to his teeth. first impressions are the most important!
his steps slow down from hyperspeed as he leaves the kitchen to where his family (😭) stands, children piping up ideas like they've got nothing but a whole damn list of wanted guests in their home.]
Is uncle Pietro the last on your list?! And is this how he finds out?
[SMOOTHLY, PIETRO. SMOOTHLY.]
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(He doesn't need to clear his throat, but it's a habit he's picked up, hanging around other dads--)
It's Tommy that cuts him off, asking Wanda if this is part of their birthday surprise. And if it's actually really her twin.]
Sure is. Come on, let's go say hi. Uncle Pietro is going to be staying with us for a while. He's missed you two. [Missed like everything, but Wanda will let that be. She grabs both by the hands to pull them over to Pietro, being That Mom and forcing them out of any shyness they might feel.]
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what, it's not like he's their dad. (vision gets an uncalled-for glare for no real reason.)
he's crossing his arms.]
I mean, no need to rush introductions, Wanda.
[(he's also feeling shy.)]
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It leaves Wanda with three awkward boys, though luckily Tommy is curious enough to ask if Pietro is fast like mom says.]
Very fast.
[Look. Permission to be fast, Pietro.]
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[with a wink at wanda (he talks trash out of nervousness, omg), he super-speeds himself around the lot, making a mess of wanda's hair and putting five different hats on top of vision's head—oh, delightful.—before reappearing at normal speed just sitting on his haunches between the two boys.]
So fast that I can make your parents look very silly.
[he points at the boy hanging from wanda's waist.] You are Billy, and you— [he points at the boy wearing the green shirt and looking at him with unruly amazement.] Tommy, yes? I am uncle Pietro. Happy to finally meet you both.
[so formal, and yet...]